Time...

I have not been able to shake a feeling lately that I need to be doing something creative. I've been on a quest for 30 years to figure out just what that thing is. I can't express how much my insides feel knotted and how I feel a sadness in the pit of my stomach when I go a length of time without creating anything. I think it is why I was put on this earth. I think people have different purposes. Mine is to create, whether it be a sound through music or a painting or as I have recently discovered in a photograph. I have finally found a realistic way to incorporate my creativity with the prospect of earning some kind of a living. Trust me when I say it is not about that. The reason I have decided that I want to make money doing this is because with every day I work at my giant box retail store I feel less and less human. I feel a sense that no matter how large the corporation I work for is, that it is closing in on me. I have to turn a blind eye to some of what they do within the closed doors of the corporation, and on a global sense. I watch the news, I read the stories about Factory working conditions in China and I feel saddened that I work for a company that despite their efforts to cover it up and their mass effort to appear to be like this giant charity giving to people in their communities I know deep within the core of this retail giant is a lust for money and economical power that will go to any lengths to keep costs down, productivity up, and the money flowing in their direction. I know I'm just working there to pay the bills, but lately it's been weighing heavily on me that I don't belong. I don't think of that as a bad thing, not belonging. It's not the first time I've felt out of place, but it is the first time I've felt slightly trapped. My dilemma: I have been there 10 years. I don't make a crap load of money or anything, but I have benefits, I think I have job security, but a few recent occurrences in the company have led me to question that as well, and even though I hate the place that I work, and corporation itself, I do love the people I work with. I have met some of my best friends there, and I have made lasting relationships. That being said, none of that will stop me from leaving when the time is right. But when is the time right? So that is why I have begun starting my work as a photographer. I realize that I will likely have to work a day job as well, but I need to get away from the day job I have now. I am loving photography. I feel like I can capture part of the soul in a picture even if the picture is not of a person. Sometimes a photo, much like a painting can give life to what seems lifeless. So this is my mania lately. I have an insane desire to create, coupled right now with a need to change my current means of financial income. So I've decided finally to use my creative skills to acquire some money. I've never done this before, I've always starved as an artist on the most primal level...I have worked at a job I don't particularly respect myself for, and in my spare time done what I love. Now is the time to prioritize. It may not be the time to quit my job, as I do have a family to consider, but at least if I am doing something I love for which I have found a sense of belonging.