Indecently Delicious

Written by Heather Joy Richards



You can imagine how touched I was to receive such a kind gift from a co-worker as a bag of homemade shortbread cookies. No one more then me appreciates such a delectable treat, but was the placement of the undeniably phallic cookie deliberate? Every other cookie was shaped as a star, or a heart, or a moon, or some other common cookie cutter shape...and then there were two or three cookies thrown in the mix that in my opinion..and the opinion of several other co-workers was shaped like a penis. I asked around, because I am the first to admit that I sometimes see things that others don't, but it was indeed not just I that recognized the shape as none other then the one eyed monster himself staring us right in the face. Now the co-worker that gave me the cookies is one of my favourite people. She is a German woman with no qualms about telling you exactly what she thinks, but what of this subtle gesture, this friendly little guy she threw in the bag of cookies? Here is some more background on this story. My co-worker also gave cookies to me to deliver to my dear friend Jason. His bag of cookies was notably different from mine, bearing no such indecently delicious cookie. I searched his cookie bag relentlessly to find even one that bore the resemblance of the male genitalia, but it was to no avail. He had no penis in his cookie bag, not even a small one, not even a remnant of a penis...no penis at all. His cookies were clearly and undoubtedly ordinary shaped cookies, that you could place on a platter at a wholesome Christmas gathering. Even stranger, there was a couple of cookies in his bag that were shooting stars, perfect shooting stars. The bottom part of the star that makes it appear to be shooting across the sky had a similar shape to the shaft of my penis cookies, but the top of it, was perfectly shaped as a star. In my bag, it was seemingly quite a different story. Every "shooting star" cookie in my bag was altered. I don't want to point fingers, but I have spent a lot of time with my cookie baking co-worker, and most of that time has been spent impersonating her German accent boldly to her face, and making reference to how she must be as a German lover. Could this be her brilliant attempt at subtlety? Could she be saying something about my behavior with this cookie? I picture sweet Iris in her kitchen, the oven preheated, the cookie dough rolled out. The shooting Star cookie cutter lay on the counter. She cuts a cookie. She laughs. "Dat Header is wery bad. I will teach her a lesson." She reshapes the top of the cookie into a perfect little penis. She laughs again.

When I asked Iris what cookie cutter she used to make these cookies she said "IT'S A PIGGY...IT'S A PIGGY...NO YOU A PIGGY!" I have to say she kind of looked guilty...but then again...if you turn your head the right way...and put your tongue in your cheek...I suppose it could be a piggy.